fed up with this anorexic look. it’s fucking disgusting and sad.
For those students who have not yet pulled an all nighter, studied their butts off, or hit their breaking point this is an extremely stressful week. However, as one who broke months ago I can honestly say this week is going to be quite enjoyable and relaxing. No lessons or ensembles or rehearsals. After today no classes. All you have to focus on is studying… Why is everyone freaking out? You’ve got triple the amount of time and exceptionally clear and precise deadlines for each task.
I just don’t know what I’m living for right now, there’s nothing keeping me going except habit and the fact that I’m not a quitter. I’m never happy anymore, there’s no joy left in my life and yet here I am. I keep pretending around everyone that I’m fine because let’s face it, no one can help so why burden them? The past few months I’ve been abused and taken advantage of in pretty much every possible way. My self esteem has been destroyed. My priorities and lifestyle choices criticized. No one supports the way I choose to live my life, so I live a lie to make everyone else happy. My closest friends are too concerned with themselves to notice or care about what’s going on with me. Becoming invisible would be a thousand times better right now than pretending and faking, but that’s socially unacceptable and god forbid I prove once again that I’m a disobedient disappointment. I just want a reason to stay alive, right now it isn’t worth the struggle. My existence right now isn’t truly living, so why bother staying alive when there’s no life to live? Oh yeah, because that would prove that I’m a screw up and a disappointment and a failure all over again. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I want it all to stop. The one thing that had been keeping me going got taken away from me for the foreseeable future. My best friend can go screw herself because I cant remember the last time she was there for me or the last time we had a conversation that didn’t center around her. I just want to disappear or die.